UTurn: Guidance and Inspiration to get you back on the Open Road with your Calling

If you haven’t seen Invictus yet, don’t miss it in the theater. I was resistant at first because I’m not a rugby fan and it looked like it might be a bit cheesy in that way sports movies can be.

I was wrong, and I haven’t talked to so many people about a movie in years. Especially not a movie about real events and real people. (Well to be totally honest there was too much rugby for my taste, but it was a Clint Eastwood film after all!)

We all know the incredible story of Mandela’s 27 years in prison, eventual release, election as South Africa’s first black president and how his leadership and faith has helped his country heal from devastating racism without any major violence.

What this movie focused on was a seemingly minor situation unfolding against the backdrop of these incredible personal and historical feats:

Mostly-white South African Rugby team loved by most white South Africans and loathed by most black South Africans has a chance at the Rugby World Cup. Mandela gets pressured by his closest supporters and allies to change the name of the team and bring on more black players as part of his new administration. He refuses, to the dismay of his colleagues and many of his citizens.

Instead, he personally befriends the unassuming (and somewhat desperate) white captain of the rugby team and shares with him that the team’s success has the potential of uniting the whole country during a very divided time.

The film is called Invictus because it’s the name of a poem Mandela relied on to help maintain his faith and perspective in jail. Mandela shares this poem with the rugby Captain, which in turn inspires him, and he’s able to inspire his struggling team to victory. And, Mandela turns out to have been right - it does unite the country, at least for that day.

How did Mandela have the courage to stay true to his convictions, despite so much hatred and opposition? What enabled him to withstand the pressure not just from his enemies, but from his closest friends?

Most of us won’t ever be caught up in the cross-hairs of history in the way Mandela was, but I know I deeply resonate with the question of how to keep my faith and motivation going through tough times.

Regardless of the scale of change we might be working toward, or the challenges we might face, each of us is tasked with finding our own version of Invictus, something to carry us through and help inspire those around us. What’s yours?

Like me, I’m sure you’re looking forward to one or two Thanksgiving treats that you’ve grown to love over the years. Maybe you’re the designated apple pie-maker, or your Mom’s green bean casserole makes putting up with your obnoxious uncle Andy worth it.

Personally I love mashed potatoes, and in particular an artery-clogging version my family blithely calls “Party Potatoes,” which includes four different kinds of high-fat-content dairy products. My sister makes a pretty mean batch, and spares no calories. What can I say, once a mid-Westerner, always a mid-Westerner.

I am grateful for Party Potatoes, but on this weekend before the hoilday as I savor some time alone, what I’m most grateful for is gratitude itself.

The feeling of warmth and expansiveness I get in my chest grows as I count my blessings, focusing on the people and creatures closest to my heart.  This morning at my altar I started with my usual list of loved ones, then expressed gratitude for a warm dry house on this rainy cold Sunday, work that I love and that supports me, and finally, robins.

Last week I saw two robins feasting on red berries in a friend’s yard and their hopeful little red breasts and white-ringed eyes made me forget the cold and the bare branches of November. I felt so grateful for their presence I got tears in my eyes. This feeling has continued to salt my meditations all week, and helped me focus my attention on small things that can bring great joy.

What small things bring you great joy during this dark time of year? And have you noticed that the more you give yourself permission to feel gratitude, the more joy you feel? And the more joy you feel, the more grateful you feel? Kinda’ amazing how that works.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

Someone asked me this somewhat snotty-sounding question the other day, and it really got my attention.

Granted, it was in the context of unpacking an unhelpful belief using Byron Katie’s four questions, but still. I was viscerally reminded of times I’d asked “inappropriate questions” as a child and got a glare and “that’s none of your business.”

The basic idea is that there are three kinds of business:

1. Your business
2. Someone else’s business
3. God’s business (or whatever word you may have for the mysterious forces at work in our universe)

I’ve noticed that often when we feel really stuck with our calling - questioning whether we’re on the right track, feeling alone, getting close to burn out - we’re focused on someone else’s business.

For example, who’s business is it that the unemployment rate is up? Your actions may contribute to this situation, but you yourself did not create and cannot undo the problem. Now, if you’re thinking that there’s no point in pursuing what you really want to do because the unemployment rate is so high, that is your business. And probably not a very fun business at that.

Or, who’s business is it that your boss doesn’t give positive feedback very often? Does it affect you? Of course. But can you really do anything to change your boss? Does criticizing, disliking, or getting frustrated by your boss’s insensitivity make it better? Then you know you’re not focused on “your business.”

That’s the magic of it - if you have a tight feeling in your stomach and it seems like there’s no way out, you can be 99% sure that you’re not focused on your own business. And refocusing on what your part really is and what you can do will greatly lighten your load, and make you that much more effective.

Spend a few minutes looking at the belief that gives you a knot in your tummy, and ask yourself the snotty question - who’s business am I in, anyway? It might be just the ticket.

Ps. I do recommend Byron Katie’s process for getting clear about the business you’re in.  Check out her book Loving What Is: Four Questions that can Change Your Life.

This weekend I spent a bunch of time fishing for salmon on the Southeast shore of Whidbey Island in Puget Sound. My partner loves to fish, and if I want to spend time with her during fishing season, I pretty much need to be standing next to her on the beach, fishing pole in hand. It’s a little awkward for me, because I’m actually allergic to fish - when I eat it my face blows up like a red balloon and I stop breathing. But I figured touching it would be OK and I showed up to fish on Friday evening, Saturday afternoon and Sunday evening, for a total of about 10 hours.

While I was staring at my bobber in the gray waves, I had a lot of time to think about the amazing parallels between following your calling and fishing.

It’s the fishing, not the fish

If you’re going to love fishing, you have to actually love ALL of it. Waiting for hours not knowing if you’ll ever catch anything, cutting heads off of herring, picking the gazillionth wad of seaweed off your line, putting up with the chatty guy next to you who won’t quit smoking, and catching all sorts of things you don’t really want.

For example, I caught 13 bullheads, a nasty little inedible fish with stingers on its gills. No one else on the beach caught this many, and my partner and her family started calling me “bullhead” I was catching so many. For a while I didn’t mind, because it gave me something to busy myself with, an illusion of progress.

You have to love the process of fishing, and let go of whether you’ll catch any actual salmon, while at the same time believing with all your heart that the big silver fish of your dreams is just waiting for you to cast one more time.

After spending so much time with my pole hanging over the water, bundled up against the August cold (never got above 70, thick cloud cover) I got into a kind of zen state. I stopped caring so much about whether I’d catch one as big as annoying-smoking-man’s. I started to appreciate my growing skill in casting, removing hooks from bullheads without hurting them and looking like I knew what I was doing.

And then, Sunday night at 8:45, I pulled in my very first wild salmon, all by myself. I thought my arms were going to fall off, and I felt like God herself had sent me that fish. Made of rain, pissed off, bright silver and stronger than you’d think a fish could be. Made all the waiting, cold and irritation more than worth it. And gave me lots of energy to keep fishing.

So my questions for you are:

What’s your dream fish? What would make you feel like singing and doing a crazy dance on the beach in front of everyone?

What are your bullheads? The things that give you the illusion of progress, but are actually distractions?

What do you have to learn to love in order to love your calling?

The other morning I was in the small park near my house with my dog. I was talking to a neighbor, when a loud cawing noise caught our attention. We looked out across the athletic field and saw a bald eagle flying straight toward us, trailed by 5 or 6 very cranky-sounding crows. Now, this is a park in the middle of South Seattle, not near water, not near any hills. Needless to say a bald eagle in our ‘hood was a surprise. What happened next nearly made us fall over.

As the eagle came toward us, it banked straight upward over our heads, closely followed by the crows, cawing madly. (There are two crow’s nests in this park and they’re already re-building for spring. Crow babies are an eagle snack favorite.)

As the eagle crested a big-leaf maple, it did a quick flip in the air and caught a crow in its talons, flipped back over and flew away. The crows got quiet fast, and disbursed quickly.

I thought about this amazing sight all day and shared it with several people. I found my storyline switching from one of sympathy for the crow to “if that crow hadn’t been trying to up the eagle’s…ahem…tail…it wouldn’t have gotten caught.”

So here’s the leadership lesson I took away:

If you’re chasing something bigger than you, make sure you’re ready for it. Do what you can to understand the nature of your target and get ready to be nimble if it starts to chase you back! And, if you’re feeling chased by worries, sometimes turning around and tackling one is the best approach.

I’ve been thinking for a while that this “economic downturn” is a long-overdue winter in our perpetual (illusion of) summer here in the USA. Eventually the over-picked, under-watered plants need to shut down and regenerate or they will die. This may sound depressing and cold in the sun-starved northern hemisphere, but in fact its a fundamental process that allows life to continue. Plants that are in relative harmony with their surroundings and weren’t already diseased will survive and thrive come spring.

The same is true for us as individuals and for the organizations we lead and are part of. Getting back to our roots, our core, focusing on the basics, and remaining in harmony with our surroundings are essential to surviving winter and preparing for new life in spring.

Late last week, I hosted a table discussion at a well-timed forum about leading in an economic downturn put on by United Way of King County. Jon Fine, the CEO of the United Way here in Puget Sound, suggested some important strategies for nonprofits to weather winter, which I thought could be applied to us as individuals as well. Here is my synopsis of his most useful points:

• Don’t be in denial about it being winter - plan, prepare and dress warmly!
• Remember and focus on your core - what do you do well and differently than anyone else?
• Be transparent and honest. In winter, everything is visible to everyone else. We can more easily see your tracks, and are more attuned to each other because we need each other more.
• Conserve your energy for what’s really important. Don’t chase or create non-essential projects or new markets right now.
• Be efficient! Do what you need to do with as little effort and expense as you can, but do it well!
• Let go of what isn’t working so you can focus on what is working. There’s no shame in letting go!

And finally, don’t forget to be grateful for the many blessings you do have and ENJOY what there is to enjoy about winter!

Warmth and peace to you and those you love.

At the risk of sounding self-serving, I still can’t believe how much my coach has helped me in the last few months! I have a new-found sense of clarity and purpose about my coaching practice, am working smarter than ever, and feel like I have at least five big revelations in every coaching session. You’d think I would be a true believer in coaching given that its my profession. And I am, for other people!

Isn’t it funny, the way an otherwise perfectly sane person can (and often does) have two totally different sets of rules - one for ourselves, one for others?

Its a bit embarrassing to admit how resistant I was to hiring a coach.

My own process gave me a renewed sense of empathy for my own clients. “Its too expensive!” I complained for months about the cost of hiring my coach, who’s rates aren’t t even especially steep for the coaching field. And the thing is, coaching IS expensive! Many coaches charge more per hour than therapists. I do have a master’s degree, and I believe my time and energy is worth what I charge and I help my clients get results, but still…I realized that both I and my clients are absolutely justified in this opinion.

The second objection I had was all about ego, both sides of the coin: “I don’t really need a coach. What can she do for me that I can’t do for myself, but just haven’t because I’m too busy/lazy/its not that important anyway?” I went from “I’m too smart to need help” to “I’m too lame to need help” to “oh, just forget it” (avoidance) in no time at all. Can you relate to this bermuda triangle?

Then when I finally got ready to make the investment, and got clear (and courageous) enough to hire her, on the recommendation of trusted friends and colleagues, I still found myself in resistance. I’d block out time for “coaching homework” on my calendar, instead of writing down the tasks and planning that I had promised myself I would get to that week. I told myself that what I was up to was “working with a coach.”

This felt less threatening than “I’m clarifying who I want to work with, what problem(s) I help them solve and what my business model will be.” But that’s closer to the truth.

Stay tuned for my next post, where I’ll reveal more about my clarified niche and ideal coaching clients!

I had an “aha” about blogging the other day, thanks in part to Mark Silver and Zen Habits. You could call it more of a “doh!,” since I think lots of other bloggers understood this way before me.

I’d been believing that I had to have a fully-formed, original and watertight idea in order to blog. This is kind of like going into an important conversation knowing exactly what you’re going to say, and in your nervousness, forgetting to stay open to the other person’s energy and contributions. Plus, its stressful, and makes writing for my blog feel like a chore.

I’d like my blog to be a place where I can be truly authentic about where I am with my coaching practice and to share recent insights and ideas, regardless of how “untidy” I may sound. That’s where the real juice is, right?

Yes, AND, it requires more vulnerability and candor from me. Not the easiest road to hoe, when you’re a solopreneur who wants to look like she’s at the top of her game.

But I think it will make blogging more fun for me and more interesting for you, so stay tuned!

ps. in the spirit of candor and vulnerability, here’s a picture of me playing with one of my favorite people, my long-time friend’s super-fun baby, Arlo.

So often when we feel overwhelmed we’ll think “what I need is a PLAN.” And we diligently go about setting meetings, making to-do lists and re-arranging our schedules.

This isn’t bad, but it’s helpful to remember that planning alone doesn’t refuel your tank. You can have a great destination and map, but to get you there, you also need to reconnect with a sense of inspiration.

To move you forward, you need the Wonder Twins - planning AND inspiration.

There are a zillion productivity systems and gurus out there in our over-busy culture, so I won’t burden you with my own. But here are some tips to refuel your tank so you can reach that destination:

• Take five minutes to be thankful. Even for simple things, like the fact that its over 60 degrees, your shirt is clean, and you ate a good lunch. Really let yourself wallow in gratitude!
• Imagine what it will feel like to reach your destination. What do you feel in your body? How will you celebrate?
• Focus your attention on someone you love, and think of three things you really appreciate about them. Then tell them.
• Go for a walk somewhere green and quiet.
• Think about the last time you felt inspired - what helped? Do it again!

Ps. If you’re a nonprofit leader or volunteer, you may want to come check out a workshop about strategic planning I’m co-facilitating with my talented and lovely colleague Angela Powell on October 9th in Seattle through the the United Way of King County. We’ll be covering the magic of the Wondertwins, as well as the nuts and bolts of a good planning process, and we’d love to have you there!

For the past two months I’ve been meeting with a group of professional coaches who are or are interested in coaching leaders in the social sector. One of the main topics of discussion is the fact that most CBOs (community benefit organizations) don’t invest in themselves or their own leaders. Money for professional development is limited at best, and many executive directors and board members believe that funds should always go to programs first.

What message does this send to the people who’ve chosen to spend the bulk of their time and energy working toward the mission of this organization? Is their development less important than the organization’s clients?

Can you imagine if Costco or Starbucks had this attitude? They would never be able to retain the talent that makes them successful, that gives them a competitive advantage.

Foundations and corporations are often reluctant to fund leadership coaching or other professional development efforts in the CBOs they support. If it doesn’t contribute to the “bottom line” of meeting the mission, it may seem irrelevant.

There’s a major fallacy in this line of thinking, however. Without the people who do the work, the leaders who make a difference, there are no programs, there is no mission impact.

There is a profound and I would argue essential connection between the hearts and minds of the people doing the work and the effectiveness of CBOs themselves. And we ignore this connection at our peril. Its time to put our money where our mouths are.

If we are doing the most important work on the planet, we need the very best care and feeding available. Like a top athlete who eats only the freshest, most nutritious food before a game, we deserve to care for our hearts and minds so we can do our best work, even if it’s for the good of our clients. Maybe especially so.

This was a major topic of discussion in the hallways and at lunch at the Washington Nonprofit Conference last Wednesday. The spark for these conversations was the keynote address from the 2 women who wrote “Forces for Good: the Six Practices of High-Impact Nonprofits.” Crutchfield and McLeod were greatly influenced by Jim Collins’ “Good to Great,” and followed a similar research methodology.

What had us talking was what they didn’t say, however. They began by saying that they only considered nonprofits with a national scope and a large ($10 million or more) budget for the study. We wondered: Why are national scope and a large budget prerequisites for impact? The consensus was, they’re not prerequisites, and that McLeod and Crutchfield should have qualified their research upfront with this caveat.

My question for you: how do you know you’re making a difference, either as a person or as an organization? I’m especially interested in how you qualitatively instead of quantitatively know you’re having an impact.

At the same conference. I co-presented a workshop about coaching called “Coaching for Nonprofit Leaders: Investing in your Organization’s Biggest Asset.” Our group of 35 or so had some fascinating discussions about what coaching is and isn’t and when it’s most useful. Here is the handout about coaching as a capacity-building tool and here for resources for nonprofit leaders seeking coaching. You can also find more resources about leadership in the nonprofit sector here.

Over the weekend, I (mostly) recovered from another bout of overwhelm. Sometimes I feel like a ping-pong ball, bouncing from too-much to not-enough. Whether its work, social engagements, or connecting with family, feast or famine seems to be the rule. Can you relate?

Faced with the prospect of another very busy week, as I wrote in my journal on Saturday, I found myself wondering “what makes it worth it?” What makes keeping my “skin in the game” worthwhile, through the overwhelm? The answer, I think, is each other.

I remembered a parable about the difference between Heaven and Hell. In both Heaven and Hell, people sit around a huge table laden with the most delicious food and drink imaginable. In both places, no-one has elbows. In Hell, people sit at the table, weak with hunger, unable to eat because they can’t bring food their mouths. In Heaven, people feed each other, reaching across the table with their long arms.

Then last night I had the good fortune to be attend the lovely Janet Boguch’s birthday party. She treated her friends to a yoga class, during which the instructor read a Rumi poem. The essence of the poem was that reeds and rushes, by themselves, can get blown away by the wind. But woven together can make a lovely basket that can keep food dry and even shelter a baby.

So this week, if (really, when) I find myself feeling like that ping pong ball again, I’ll remember - I’m one reed among many, woven into a fine basket. I’ll visualize putting my tired little ping pong ball in that basket. Sometimes mixing metaphors is a good thing.

Some close friends recently had a second child. Their first, the lovely and rather precocious Clara Jill–yes, named after me –is six and a half, and was somewhat apprehensive about the arrival of competition.

When I went over to their home for the first time after little August came home, Clara was ensconced in her baby brother’s stroller and had pulled several of his blankets over her head. She was making baby noises and didn’t want to come out even for home-made macaroni and cheese, normally her favorite. Her exhausted parents smiled indulgently and whispered that Clara had “regressed” a little bit lately.

Regression or not, I found myself thinking what a rational response Clara was having to this new challenge, and it made me wonder, don’t we all need a stroller sometimes?

On better days, I think my stroller is petting or playing with my dog. On not so good days, my stroller is more likely to be getting cranky or eating too much chocolate.

Do you let yourself have a stroller? If so, when do you let yourself crawl into it? What does it look like, feel like? Does it help you cope with overwhelm? I think the ideal stroller does not come with side effects, or produce a hangover. What about yours?

The Pride Foundation announced yesterday that former donor and Microsoft founder Ric Weiland bequeathed $65 million to the Pride Foundation and other GLBT groups when he died just over a year ago. A front page Seattle Times article yesterday reported the details.

Now in the interest of full disclosure I should tell you that I was on the board of the Pride Foundation for four years. I had a great time, I love the organization and still support them. But I can say with some confidence that I would have some of the same thoughts about this amazing news even if I hadn’t been involved with the organization.

What impressed me, beyond the obvious:

• The Pride Foundation handled Ric’s bequest with tremendous grace and skill. Receiving news of a gift this size can put any organization into a tailspin. There are a million questions to be answered, limitless possibilities open up threatening to pull you off-mission. Pride has stayed focused and intentional in their planning efforts and communications with the community.

• For Pride, another key concern is that current donors will think their gifts are no longer needed. Fundraising efforts often serve as an important community-building strategy, and this is especially so in this case. As a donor, I received a thoughtful letter in advance of Sunday’s Seattle Times article with details about the bequest and FAQ, which addressed this very topic quite well.

I will continue to support this great organization, even though they now have more money than they ever dreamed. Not because they need it, but because I need them - their ability to inspire, motivate and create meaningful change has a real impact on my life and many others’.

I’ve been talking to colleagues lately about the “trance of scarcity” we sometimes see in the social sector. You know, when you’re at an event and people start complaining about there not being enough money, time, political capital, and on and on until you wonder why they go to work in the morning.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t lack sympathy for the constraints nonprofits face. In fact, I probably would get a lot less work were it not for the challenges of fundraising, attracting and retaining skilled staff, staying focused on mission, etc. And when your mission is to solve a seemingly intractable problem like homelessness or global warming or child abuse, its tough not to get pessimistic.

In Good to Great and the Social Sectors, Jim Collins says that one of the greatest resources in the social sector is the ability to offer people a sense of meaning and connection. When we lament about what there’s not enough of, we’re not just bumming ourselves out - we’re depriving potential donors, volunteers and other supporters of the opportunity to join us in making a difference.

So, I would posit that not only is it a heck of a lot more fun, as a leader with a mission its actually your responsibility to stay inspired and inspiring.

Some quick tips to get your perspective back:

• Focus on three things you are grateful for. Picture a volunteer, co-worker or donor you really appreciate, for example, and really let yourself feel how gratitude can expand your sense of what’s possible.
• Take a break! A real break - go away for the weekend, or better yet two or three weeks to somewhere beautiful with lots of trees, water and/or mountains. Shouldn’t be too hard in the pacific NW, and doesn’t have to be expensive either.
• Ask a friend or colleague to remind you of what you have accomplished. I bet there’s a long list, and that you’ve achieved these feats despite the same odds that now have you trembling in that scarcity trance.

Feel better? I thought you would. And I bet you’ll find it a lot easier to tackle that enormous to-do list now, too!

• It starts with a negative
• It refers to tax status as opposed to purpose
• It implies penury
• It doesn’t include businesses that were founded with a social mission, which are increasingly important in our efforts to create meaningful and sustainable change on a global scale
• It doesn’t include government agencies with a focused mission, which are also important to social change
• It’s just plain old school

For a while now I’ve been struggling with finding language to describe people and organizations dedicated to social, environmental or spiritual change. As I wrote my webpage, which is dedicated to helping these people and organizations thrive, I kept bumping my head against this absence of vocabulary and promised myself to start a conversation here on TripTych to generate new language for this exciting development in our society.

I see a powerful, emerging movement that blurs the lines between traditional nonprofits, grassroots organizations, political movements, government agencies and socially-oriented businesses. What shall we call this movement?

Here are some ideas I’ve heard, but none are perfect, of course. If you have others you like, please share them!

• Social sector
• Social benefit organizations
• Third sector
• Social economy
• Civic sector
• Civil society